Wanderer: Perfect, we get to go inside Daryl’s head. This should be wonderful *deadpan*
Eric: Do I detect a drop of sarcasm?
Wanderer: If by “drop” you mean “ocean” then yes.
I drove after that girl, Kaiya's, truck. We were on some kind of dirt road and there seemed to be a few more cars following after us.
"What'chu thank o' girly up thur?" Merle asked from beside me.
Wanderer: I’d “thank” you not to make Merle sound like an idiot. I get he’s got an accent, and I get he’s a redneck… but it isn’t this bad. He just sounds stupid.
I kept my eyes straight ahead
Wanderer: As opposed to crooked ahead.
and thought about it. She was pretty and the only thing about her that looked 16 was her height and even that didn't even look 16.
Eric: Are we supposed to take this to mean that she’s got a woman’s curves?
Wanderer: Pretty much.
Eric: Also, what does height have to do with age? Unless she’s miniscule. Even you look older than 16, and you’re shorter than she is.
Wanderer: I also happen to have boobs that are way too big. But if she’s 120 lbs, she isn’t exactly curvy. I don’t know. The author is trying to age herself up so Daryl doesn’t seem quite so pedophilic.
Eric: You’re surprisingly calm about this.
Wanderer: I’m pissed off, it’s just a waste of energy.
I ARE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE: 18
OLD ENOUGH FOR A REAL MAN: 1
More like 10.
Wanderer: Okay, now I’m really pissed off. Just because you’re short does not make you look prepubescent. Besides, contradictory much? Ugh.
Eric: I’m confused. Either she looks older than her age, or she appears to be a 10-year-old because of her height.
Wanderer: I’m still waiting for breast descriptions. Five bucks she’s bigger than a C-cup.
Eric: *eyes Wanderer* Not taking that bet. But for the sake of reference, how large are yours?
Wanderer: I’m not answering that.
I almost chuckled, but I knew what Merle would think if I did that.
Wanderer: That you’d gone insane? Or you’d gotten into his drugs?
"She's got lotsa hair, a weird name, a dog-"
Wanderer: NO! Daryl would say that she better not be a whiny, spoiled little brat, and the dog better not scare away any game!
BUTCHER CHARACTERIZATION FOR THINE OWN INTEREST: 4
Eric: Also the way he says she has a lot of hair makes it sound like she’s incredibly hairy.
Wanderer: Like Cousin It!
Merle interrupted, "And a chink."
Eric: I expected you to get upset.
Wanderer: Merle calls one of the black members of the group the n-word, so I’m not entirely surprised he calls Glenn that. Even Daryl refers to Glenn as “China-man”.
Eric: Ah. So this is in character?
Wanderer: For once.
"And a nice truck," I finished.
Wanderer: (Merle): Hell yeah, man. Reckon we could steal it from her?
Merle shook his head. "No, I mean what do ya THANK of her?"
Wanderer: (Daryl): I don’t! She’s a fucking kid.
"I thank she's 16."
Wanderer: THANK YOU.
That ceased all conversation. I knew Merle wasn't a pervert or anything, but he also wasn't one to pass up a pretty girl. I wondered which meant more to him. Would he rather be labeled as a child rapist or the guy with the hot chick?
Wanderer: Uh, why is Daryl assuming Merle would actually get with her? Because it isn’t really “child rapist” until Merle has sex with her. And at her age, it’s more statutory rape.
Eric: Is it odd that the love interest is concerned with how inappropriate it would be for his brother to try and make advances on the teenager, when in the end Daryl does?
Wanderer: A bit. You’d think if Daryl’s the one to first point out that her age makes her off-limits, he’d not forget it.
LOGIC FAIL: 10
The thought worried me.
Wanderer: (Merle): Ain’t touching none of that jail-bait shit.
Kaiya's truck pulled to a stop on the edge of a large open area surrounded by trees. It looked like it must've been a campsite before.
Wanderer: It’s a fucking quarry!
KNOW YOUR GODDAMN FANDOM: 6
An old man in an RV passed by us and drove in,
Wanderer: Dale was already there! Shane said so. *fuming*
KNOW YOUR GODDAMN FANDOM: 7
parking on the inside of the actual camping part. The rest of the vehicles were parked on the outskirts of the dirt and grass.
As we parked and started to get out of the truck, Merle started talking. "I gotta come up with some kinda nickname for 'er then.
Wanderer: Uh, Merle’s nicknames aren’t a sign of affection. He calls women sugar-tits because he’s a misogynist. He refers to Daryl as “Darlene” because he thinks Daryl is acting weak like a woman. Because he doesn’t respect women.
Eric: I feel like I have dealt with plenty of Merle’s in Shreveport…
Cant call a
Eric: Again with the tilting!
GRAMMAR FAIL: 12
rug rat sugar-tits can I?"
Wanderer: There you go; a comment about her boobs.
Eric: But it doesn’t tell us their size. It doesn’t count.
Wanderer: Well if they were deformed or something, Merle wouldn’t call them sugar-tits.
Eric: *raises eyebrow*
Wanderer: … what? He wouldn’t *shifty eyes*
I don't think he knew I heard him
mumble, "Even if it is perty true."
Wanderer: What is? That her tits are made of sugar? OMG WHAT IF SHE GETS WET THEY’LL MELT OFF!
Eric: *throws water on the Sue*
(Sue): Noooooo, not my perfectly perky, completely symmetrical breeeeasts!!!!
OLD ENOUGH FOR A REAL MAN: 2
I shook my head and got out of the truck. This was going to be a long apocalypse.
Wanderer: Well… nevermind.
Wanderer: That sentence is just dumb. It’s the end of the world. Of course it’s long!
Eric: I still think I should just stop it now with “And then they all died. The end.”
Wanderer: I wish you could, too.
Shane led us to a small campsite beside a quarry.
Wanderer: How come she knows it’s a quarry and Daryl didn’t?!
I ARE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE: 20
I parked the truck and leaned my head against the headrest for a moment with my eyes closed. I felt Glenn put his hand over mine and I opened my eyes. I looked over at him and gave him a small smile.
Wanderer: Repetitive sentence structure is boring.
He smiled back. "We'll make it."
Wanderer: Finding a group to hide with at a quarry suddenly makes him the optimistic, confident one? What the fuck?
I nodded, filled with hope at his three words. We would make it.
Wanderer: Unfortunately for us…
We both got out of the truck and started walking to the circle of people beside the RV.
Eric: Why did they form a circle by the RV?
Wanderer: Maybe they’re going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya?
"Everyone got a tent?" Shane asked, looking around at everyone.
Eric: Well, damn. I assumed he’d ask everyone, but then only look at some of the people.
A few people raised their hands tentatively, indicating that they didn't.
Wanderer: This doesn’t even make sense. The ones raising their hands should be those with the tents. If he’d asked “Who doesn’t have a tent?” then the ones without could do it.
"Alright, those that don't, sleep in the RV, everyone else pitch your tents close by. Dale and I will be taking watch tonight." He nodded over to an old man that reminded me of my grandpa. I couldn't see too much besides his bucket hat and his Hawaiian shirt, though.
Wanderer: HOW DOES HE REMIND YOU OF YOUR GRANDPA THEN?!
Eric: Maybe her grandpa is famous for his bucket hats and Hawaiian shirts?
Everyone started to disperse.
I heard Merle call, "Hey, Baby doll!"
Wanderer: Because that’s so much better than “sugar-tits”. Not!
Eric: It sounds like a stripper name.
I turned to see him looking straight at me.
Wanderer: Why would you fucking respond to that at all? Having never been called “baby-doll” before, I sure as hell won’t look around for whoever said it like I expect they’re wanting my attention!
Wanderer: *trying to strangle her laptop*
Eric: *pokes Wanderer* Baby-doll.
Wanderer: … why’re you calling me that?
Eric: Felt like it.
I saw Glenn grimace out of the corner of my eye.
Wanderer: (Glenn): Why the fuck did you look at him? Don’t encourage the hick!
"Ya gotta tent?"
Wanderer: Okay, I excused “sumthin’”, but “gotta” is slang for “got to”. “You got to tent” does not even make sense!
Eric: I feel like there is an erection joke in there somewhere.
Wanderer: Been watching TV more lately?
Eric: *uncomfortable* Pam says I need to expand my understanding of humans. You all are drastically different from when I was human.
Wanderer: … mm, Viking Eric… *distracted*
GRAMMAR NAZI: 13
I started to say no, I hadn't thought to grab one when packing up,
Wanderer: BUT YOU GRABBED YOUR PILLOW AND PURPLE COMFORTER? IDIOT.
LOGIC FAIL: 11
but Glenn shouted back, "Yeah, she does." and threw his arm around my shoulders.
Wanderer: So Glenn is her tent? What?
Eric: I want to know why he’s throwing his limbs around. Is he trying to attract zombies?
I smiled gratefully up at him.
Wanderer: Why is she grateful? She’s the idiot who was going to respond!
Eric: Perhaps she’s grateful he lied to cover up her own stupid?
He winked down at me and smiled, bringing me back to the truck.
Wanderer: His winking and smiling teleports them back to the truck? GLENN IS MAGIC YOU GUYS.
As we walked past, I heard Merle mutter "Damn chink."
Wanderer: Please, Merle is more creative with his racial slurs. Google some.
Eric: *does* Banana, Boat-People—which is also apparently for Cubans, Buckethead—is specific for Koreans, Buddhahead, Bug-Eater, Chinaman, Choo-Choo—because of the railroad, Coolie, Dog-Muncher—
Wanderer: We get the point. Dog-Muncher made me laugh, though…
Eric: You’re a horrible person. *pause* Granted, when I got gore in my hair after ripping a human apart, I pouted. Perhaps I’m not one to talk.
Wanderer: Not a big surprise. Moving on!
I hoped Glenn didn't hear. I didn't have a problem with Merle back on the highway, but my opinion of him was quickly going down.
Glenn reached in the bed of my truck and pulled out a tent he had stashed back there when I hadn't been paying attention,
Wanderer: If it doesn’t strictly involve you, it isn’t important, and you don’t pay attention. I already figured this out.
I guessed. I helped him set up the tent, but it took us a little longer than I thought it would. By the time the tent was up, I was ready to collapse from exhaustion.
Eric: They were sitting in traffic. Why is she so exhausted?
Wanderer: Don’t know.
I opened the back door of the truck and Donkey bounded out, running straight to Glenn. Donkey was a rather well-behaved dog and he knew when to be quiet which would be a good thing if there were walkers all over now. I hoped this spot would be safe as I grabbed my comforter and pillow and went inside the tent. I threw them down onto the floor of the tent and began straightening them out.
Then I walked outside to see Glenn tying Donkey to a nearby tree with a length of rope.
"Thanks," I said, smiling at Donkey.
"No problem," Glenn said, standing up. "C'mon, lets get to sleep."
Eric: Well, it’s nice someone is allowing Get to sleep.
Wanderer: I wonder if he’s a cousin of poor Git who had to “a move on”.
We started to make our way back to the tent, but then Shane intercepted us. "Wait, are you two sharing a tent?" Disapproval was clear in both his voice and his frown.
Wanderer: Shane isn’t their parent. They just met. Lori and Carl are his biggest concern. HE. WOULDN’T. CARE.
Eric: Shane’s the one who ends up fucking his friend’s wife, right?
"I thought he was 20 and you were 16."
Wanderer: Sharing a tent does NOT EQUAL having sex. Merle and Daryl are sharing a tent, are they getting jiggy with it?
"Who told you that?" I asked, surprised he knew our ages.
Wanderer: Me, too, because he WOULDN’T CARE.
He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the tent where Daryl was watching us. He looked down when I looked over at him.
Wanderer: (Daryl): Shit, I got crap on my boots. Literally. *starts trying to wipe them off on the grass*
"I heard one of the rednecks grumblin' about it."
I nodded. "Yeah, but he's like my big brother, don't worry," I said, wrapping an arm around Glenn's neck.
Wanderer: HE WOULDN’T WORRY.
Shane stared between us suspiciously and then hesitantly nodded and walked away.
I ripped away the red and orange baseball hat Glenn had on his head at all times and put it on my head, running into the tent.
Wanderer: Oh yeah, she’s super duper mature for her age. Definitely the most mature 16-year-old in the world.
"Give it back!" Glenn called, chasing after me.
When we were in the tent, he tackled me and began tickling my sides. I tried not to laugh too hard, but I was sure I failed.
Wanderer: You were, were you?
Eric: —after rendering her unconscious and possibly dead from asphyxiation—
Glenn snatched his hat back and stopped tickling me.
Soon after, I passed out under my familiar comforter.
Eric: He didn’t tickle her long enough. Just a bit more and she might have suffocated.
Wanderer: Dammit, Glenn…
I was surprised I didn't have to cry myself to sleep that night, but I was so exhausted it wasn't necessary.
Wanderer: Way to sound fucking obligated about crying yourself to sleep. Heaven forbid you experience bereavement over just having lost your parents.
Officer Shane Walsh. That was what the cop introduced himself as. I didn't like him at all.
Wanderer: (Daryl): He was way too fucking bossy for having just met everyone.
Something about him had me on edge.
Wanderer: (Daryl): He kept shooting me and Merle suspicious looks. Fuck him.
And then he pointed at me over his shoulder. Kaiya looked up at me.
Eric: *affects a prudish woman’s voice* He pointed?! How rude!
Wanderer: … don’t ever do that again.
I looked down, trying not to make it obvious I had been watching their conversation. When I peeked back up,
Wanderer: What the fuck?! He’s not some middle school boy with a crush! FUCK.
BUTCHER CHARACTERIZATION FOR THINE OWN INTEREST: 5
Kaiya had her arm around the Asian kid's neck and she was grinning. I bit my lip.
Eric: This is nauseating. Does she have no idea how men think or act?
Shane walked away and they just stood there for a minute.
Then Kaiya grabbed his hat and put it on her own head, hightailing it back to the tent they were sharing. Glenn chased her down and when they disappeared inside the tent, I heard her laughing.
Wanderer: WE JUST READ THIS!
And he was 20? Maybe he was a pervert.
Eric: And you’re not, of course, even though you’re watching them. Which, by the way, is not creepy at all.
Wanderer: *shaking with rage*
But, then, she had said they had been friends since they were little. Maybe he was just a really immature 20 year old.
Wanderer: I’m pretty sure chasing someone who stole your property is not an example of immaturity.
I shook my head. Whatever, none of my business.
"Ya gonna stay outside all night er ya gonna actually sleep?" Merle called from inside the tent.
Wanderer: (Merle): Stop being a pussy staring at the goddamn stars and go to bed. I’ll kick your ass if you wake me up crawling in here.
I rolled my eyes with a sigh and went inside.
Eric: Daryl’s “voice” reads the same way as Kaiya’s. I honestly cannot tell the difference, except Daryl is way more enraptured than is realistic, and apparently more timid.
Wanderer: Daryl’s not shy, or timid. He’s fucking introverted and standoffish.
Butcher Characterization for Thine Own Interest: 5
Grammar Nazi: 13
I Are Speshul Snowflake: 20
Know Your Goddamn Fandom: 6
Logic Fail: 11
Old Enough for a Real Man: 2
You Racist Bitch: 2
Chapters Remaining: 56