I woke up early the morning the world went to shit. I felt the need to get a head start
As opposed to a butt-start…
on the shittiness of the life to come. Not really;
Semi-colons are classy~
no one could have predicted what was going to happen to me or everyone else that fateful afternoon.
I highly doubt the zombie apocalypse happened all in one afternoon, no matter how fateful it was…
I rose from my bed,
You flowered your bed?
as my mom yelled up the stairs to me. My bed suddenly felt a thousand times more soft, warm, and all around comfortable as I remembered the pain-in-my-ass Spanish exam I had to take today.
If you’re already out of the bed, why would it suddenly feel more comfortable? In fact, how would you even feel it??
Damn dog! "Shut up!" I yelled to my mother's German Shepherd, Donkey, who was barking his head off downstairs. Yes, my mom has a dog named Donkey. I named the dark-ish brown and black dog when I was just 4 years old and he was a puppy. I thought it hilarious at the time, seeing as the dog was quite obviously NOT a donkey.
Hurr, you were such a clever kid! Not.
I threw my thick purple comforter off my body and sat up,
You already “rose from the bed”
rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
My feet hit the wood floor with a small thud and I walked over to my closet, pulling open the door and inspecting myself in the full-length mirror hanging on the inside. Ugh… I hate Mondays. My hair was all over the place and I think I was starting to get a zit on the left side of my forehead.
I don’t care about your complexion… but if it’s already going bad, you’ll look like a pepperoni pizza without access to skincare products after this fateful afternoon.
Sometimes I hate being a teenager.
You are so wise and magnanimous.
I know you may be thinking "wow, this girl is really cynical/pessimistic/any other word describing a negative attitude toward anything and all,"
Actually, I was thinking “God, this girl is really dull and whiny…” Daryl wouldn’t put up with that shit, yo.
but let me set you straight
before we delve any more into the day my whole world turned upside down: I am. I am very distrustful of human nature and have a sarcastic sense of humor, biting back twice as hard at anyone who barks a command,
So you take being a bitch literally then, by snapping and barking at people?
I ARE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE: 1
sneers an insult,
But you don’t do anything if they say, mutter, mumble, grumble, growl, hiss, snarl, or any other way an insult can be spoken. Or even written!
or even mutters a word behind my back.
How do you know they’re doing that if they’re behind your back? Or do you mean like… literally, to your back, as you’re walking away?
But I was also very immature
Yes, yes you are. Again, why is Daryl going to stoop so low for this? He’d probably just shoot you.
and found many things funny that I really shouldn't. People looked at me oddly when I laughed at stuff I knew was inappropriate and immature to laugh at,
But you’re much too cool to care what they think.
but my close friends understood the irregular thought process.
Please, we know you don’t have any. Also, irregular thought process? You sound like every other self-absorbed, hormonal teenager. That’s hardly irregular.
I ARE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE: 2
I sighed and tried to smooth down my crazy black hair.
I swear if she’s "goth", I’m going to stab someone…
When I realized the attempt was futile without a hair brush and some hair product or another,
Genius, you are.
I stomped grumpily away
Watch out, she’s pissed off! It’s weird, but I usually stomp around when I’m really happy.
from the mirror and into my bathroom. My hair was really long, coming down to my rear.
That’s totally practical for Georgia heat. Also, if your hair is that long, you would know that trying to smooth it out without brushing it is pointless. Just like this story.
I sometimes sat on it by accident which really hurt.
Good! I laugh at your misfortune.
I hope a zombie grabs it soon.
I decided to pull my hair up into a high ponytail, shortening its length the tiniest bit so it only came down to my lower back.
If your hair is so long that you sit on it sometimes, it’s past your rear. Your back doesn’t shrink when you sit. Also, if you’re only shortening it the tiniest bit, it wouldn’t suddenly jump all the way up to your lower back.
LOGIC FAIL: 1
When my hair was decent, I went to my closet and chose a black T-shirt
Ugh, going towards "goth"… What next, black Tripp bondage pants and a studded belt?
I got from a concert my dad took me to for my birthday about two years ago and a pair of blue jeans. I fastened my belt around my pants and pulled on a pair of black skater shoes. They were the most comfortable shoes in the world, my Vans. I loved them to death and wouldn't trade them for any other pair of shoes ever.
Aw, fuck. We have an emo/hipster. That’s even worse.
I didn't bother putting on makeup. 1) it was only a half day of school today for exams
and 2) I didn't normally wear makeup anyway.
Then why are we discussing this? Also, this is not proper sentence structure. You don’t use the numeral and a parenthesis when writing a story.
GRAMMAR NAZI: 1
It was a pain in the ass and who was I trying to impress anyway?
Dunno, don’t care.
Any guy who liked me with makeup should like me just as well without it. There were quite a few guys in my Sophomore class who made their affections for me very obvious,
Of course there were.
but they were all creeps.
Oh, I see. As opposed to the significantly older man who will later be in luuuurv with you. Because that’s not creepy at all.
"Kaiya! You might want to leave soon!" my mom called up from the kitchen.
I sighed heavily
As opposed to lightly, softly… Why so emo?
When did you sit down? You were fixing your hair and getting dressed…
yanking my bag off of its hanging spot around my bedpost in a terrible display of teenage angst.
What does that even mean? How does one yank a bag off a bedpost teenage angstily?
I trudged down the stairs and turned into the kitchen where my mom was wearing a white apron and an oven mitt over her hand, pulling a cookie sheet out of the oven.
People bake cookies in the morning?
I sniffed the air, loving the chocolate scent the cookies gave off. I ripped a paper towel off the roll and grabbed two scorching hot cookies up into it,
Ow. Why are you not in pain?! This is a perfect opportunity to whine about it!
pecking my mom
She’s a bird? That’s rude.
on my cheek
You’re pecking your mom on your cheek? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
before a hasty retreat to the door.
"I've got work today after school!" I threw over my shoulder.
What are you throwing over your shoulder? Words?
My mom nodded as I grabbed my car keys out of the tin on the stand by the door. I waved one last time before running out to my black truck.
It was a nice big '99 Chevy Z71.
Does anyone know what this means? I know shit about cars...
The tires didn't necessarily have to be that big, but I liked surprising the boys admiring my truck when they saw that the driver was a girl.
Of course… I’m sorry, but where I live? Girls driving bigass trucks are normal. Annoying, because in generally they suck at parking them, but normal nonetheless. And in the south, where trucks are good for hauling shit around? Probably not that unusual either.
I ARE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE: 3
It looked like it was new still; I took good care of it. I had helped my dad work on it since I was 10 and when I got my driver's license, my dad handed me the keys with a large smile on his face.
Is it possible to make a car look new 11 years later after extensive work on it by amateurs? Like I said, I know nothing about cars, so I’m confused…
It had always been my dream to drive that car and I was ecstatic.
I was 16 with everything besides a stupid Spanish exam and a zit on the left side of my forehead going right for me when the world went to shit.
You have everything except for a stupid Spanish exam, and the zit on the left side of your forehead is going right for you. Got it. This hurts me. I had to read it twice. Also, stop making me cringe. DARYL WOULD NOT BE WITH A 16-YEAR-OLD.
GRAMMAR NAZI: 2
Where were you?
LOGIC FAIL: 1
I ARE SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE: 3
GRAMMAR NAZI: 2